Chasing Blessings

It is a beautiful (understatement) spring day here. Sunny, breezy, warm weather. Azaleas, dogwoods and daisies in profusion. lovely.

Bug and I spent the morning on a long walk with a friend and then stayed outside playing until lunchtime. (Bug is all about the tricycle these days.) On a day like today, it's hard not to feel blessed. Life's true pleasures are simple but rich, aren't they?

Yes, today I feel blessed. Of course, we really are always blessed, but sometimes my feelings don't align with this truth. Sometimes, I find myself striving, wishing, waiting for the next milestone (Baby 2), promotion (go, Hunk, go), purchase (new couch, pleeeease?), vacation (Colorado in a month!).... But the constant longing for future blessings causes me to miss out on the blessings of NOW. And NOW is where life really is, you know?

Reminds me of a Joyce Meyer devotional Hunk has had taped on the bathroom mirror for years:

"Instead of chasing after blessings, we need to chase after God. If we chase God, He will chase us with blessings.... If we want blessings, we must get our mind off of them. God knows what we want and what we need."

So, today, I am not chasing blessings. I am just committing to chase the present moment. And to chase a little Bug on his tricycle.

Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the (wo)man whom You choose and cause to come near. Psalm 65:4

Knowing Your True Self

When I was expecting Bug, the most common comment I received when people would gawk at my over-sized belly was, "Oh boy, things are about to CHANGE!" They always said it like that was a bad thing, like I should go fill my pantry with canned goods and hole up for the inevitable nuclear fallout I was about to experience.

They were right that things did change when Bug was born. Everything changed! But, and I know every mom out there would agree, my life changed for the better. It morphed into something richer and deeper than I knew possible. As cliched as that sounds, it is so inexplicably true.

I honestly feel like I am more "myself" now than I have ever been, and while I am not sure if my comfort in my own skin is due to becoming Mommy, to having recently completed another decade in my life (grrr), or just to natural maturity, it feels nice to be a little more kindred with myself.

Here is a prayer by George Appleton, shared with me by a dear confidante and mentor, which speaks to this...

Give me a candle of the
Spirit, O God,
as I go down into the
deep of my own being.

Show me the hidden things,
Take me down
to the spring of my life,
and tell me my nature
and my name.

Give me the freedom to
grow so that I may
become my true self,
the fulfillment of the
seed which You planted
in me at my making.

Out of the deep
I cry unto thee, O God.

Amen.

Here's to learning our natures and our names. Here's to becoming our true selves.

Dare to Reclaim Your Chosenness

Bug is sick today. But his runny nose and congestion have not depleted his energy level any. He's finally down for a much-needed nap, and I'm stealing a moment of alone time at my desk. The gray morning has turned into a beautiful afternoon. A sunny window, a quiet house, a sleeping son and a new journal: it's the small pleasures that make life rich!

In my journal, I've copied a passage from Henri J.M. Nouwen's Life of the Beloved. Here's what I'm pondering on this sunny Monday afternoon:

"We have to dare to reclaim the truth that we are God's chosen ones, even when our world does not choose us. As long as we allow our parents, siblings, teachers, friends and lovers to determine whether we are chosen or not, we are caught in the net of a suffocating world that accepts or rejects us according to its own agenda of efficiency and control.

"The great spiritual battle begins--and never ends--with the reclaiming of our chosenness.... Our preciousness, uniqueness and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time...but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity."

Hmmm... I've just added another (not-so-small) pleasure to my simple afternoon: knowing I'm chosen. That's quite a nice thought for a Monday.

the one thing

When I was in third grade, we took a "following directions" test. My teacher handed us a piece of paper with a list of directions on it, numbered one through ten. The numbers were instructions of things to do with the paper, like number one said, "draw two lines down the middle of this paper," and number two said, "fold the paper in half and then unfold it," and number nine said to cut the corners off the paper.

Well, I went to TOWN on that paper. I got out my ruler and I was drawing the straightest lines you've ever seen. And I had the crispest creases for step two, and I was like Edward (Safety) Scissorhands on step nine. Looking around the room, I could tell I was doing The Best Job.

Now, a couple kids, I noticed, at the very beginning, just got up and turned the paper in whole (gasp) to the teacher. Idiots.

And then... I got to step 10, which said, "Ignore steps one through nine. Put your name on the paper and turn it in."

I was furious; it was all a trick! Then I noticed the tiny directions that, in my Quest To Be The Best, I had failed to read before I began. A line at the top of the paper said, "Read all the directions before you begin."

All my effort, for nothing. My perfect creases and measured lines didn't matter. Only one thing had been required: put your name on the paper and turn it in. It was such a simple assignment, and I had made it so complicated.

The other day I was driving home, and a rainstorm had just passed, leaving the late afternoon sun bursting through storm-drenched clouds. Rays of sun were streaming down, tracing their way from heaven to earth. It was so glorious. It was one of those moments in life when clarity strikes. It was like God was speaking to my heart, saying, "Only one thing is required."

I got it. Maybe for the first time ever, I got it. I can put away my ruler and my scissors. I can stop looking around to see how everyone else is doing. In life, there are no steps one to ten to follow. Only one thing is required, and for me, that one thing is to know God. To realize His awesome love for me. To write my name in the Book of Life, so to speak, and turn it in.

A wise man said it this way, "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?" Not much. What an epiphany for this student of perfectionism. Only one thing is required, and it's the simplest task of all. Just be still and know that He is God.